I Don't Want to Escape Anymore

I started reading novels when I was six years-old. Already I was being bullied in school, so lonely and sad, I turned to other worlds and other stories so I wouldn't have to face what it meant to be me in the eyes of other kids.

Escape

The first book I read was "Arrows of the Queen" by Mercedes Lackey, a 320 page novel featuring the heroine, Talia, who came from a strict, patriarchal farming community on the borders of a kingdom called Valdemar. Sensitive, gentle and feeling trapped, she ran away from home at the age of 13 after her family had arranged her marriage to another farmer from the same community. The rest of the book features magical horses, life-long friends and an important job that only Talia could do. I am sure you can see why this book would appeal to a bullied little girl who didn't even know why she was being picked on. Do not pity me, I have lived a thousand lives and I wouldn't give that up for anything.

 My parents loved participating in history re-enactment groups like the Society for Creative Anachronism and The Renaissance Pleasure Faire. Naturally they brought their kids along, so I grew up surrounded by people who found pleasure in pretending to be someone else in other eras on the weekend. This led to table-top role-playing like Dungeons and Dragons, or Shadowrun.

Escape

I loved this form of playing games the most when I was a child. I would beg my father to run games so I could spend hours writing up new characters who were always beautiful and smart and super talented, everything I felt I wasn't. My parents did their best to be loving and supportive, my home was a haven that I escaped to after school. But when you are told over and over again from all of the peers in your class that you are ugly and diseased, when your play area has a 10 foot radius of loneliness and your table is empty at lunch, you believe that and not the obligatory parental comments of love.

Next came video games! As computer and console technology advanced, video games became more pretty and more complicated. I was hooked, any chance I got I was playing on a SNES, Sega Genesis, or our home computer. I even had a job as a beta tester in Novato, Ca for a while (my favorite job, so far). After moving out I would save up any of my remaining money, after rent and bills, to either buy a book, a video game or any gaming paraphernalia that would strike my fancy.

Escape

Escape

 

I grew up, moved out, and after several years met the love of my life and got married. He shares all of my interests in hobbies (except for reading, no one is perfect) and many a happy hour was spent in fantasy and shared fantasy worlds. We each had jobs, but that was just how we paid for our hobbies. Then this guy happened.

Cutest baby picture, ever!

Well, he didn't just happen, we did plan for him, but we didn't really know just how much he would change our whole world outlook. I had quit my job to raise my son so suddenly most of our extra money went to his needs like clothes, diapers, and later food when he was ready for it. After he was born I didn't have time for my games and books and fantasy worlds. I was stuck firmly in the present, real world and looking around I realized that my status quo wasn't going to cut it. After he was in school I would need to return to the workforce but in a job that was much better paying then the ones I was settling with before. Also, I felt stagnated and I yearned to stretch myself and my mind again.

Luckily I live in a town with a great junior college, and with the grants and scholarships available the tuition is affordable. I signed up and picked out a few classes and much to my surprise I found that I love it. This was much different then my public school experience and I can't wait for the next project or the next assignment. Right now I am on a Business Administration major, but I might change that to English. However it goes, I know that I am on my personal path to success and that it is up to me to make it happen. I have to be an example for my son now, and I want to grow and learn. I hope that yearning never stops.