I Don't Want to Escape Anymore

I started reading novels when I was six years-old. Already I was being bullied in school, so lonely and sad, I turned to other worlds and other stories so I wouldn't have to face what it meant to be me in the eyes of other kids.

Escape

The first book I read was "Arrows of the Queen" by Mercedes Lackey, a 320 page novel featuring the heroine, Talia, who came from a strict, patriarchal farming community on the borders of a kingdom called Valdemar. Sensitive, gentle and feeling trapped, she ran away from home at the age of 13 after her family had arranged her marriage to another farmer from the same community. The rest of the book features magical horses, life-long friends and an important job that only Talia could do. I am sure you can see why this book would appeal to a bullied little girl who didn't even know why she was being picked on. Do not pity me, I have lived a thousand lives and I wouldn't give that up for anything.

 My parents loved participating in history re-enactment groups like the Society for Creative Anachronism and The Renaissance Pleasure Faire. Naturally they brought their kids along, so I grew up surrounded by people who found pleasure in pretending to be someone else in other eras on the weekend. This led to table-top role-playing like Dungeons and Dragons, or Shadowrun.

Escape

I loved this form of playing games the most when I was a child. I would beg my father to run games so I could spend hours writing up new characters who were always beautiful and smart and super talented, everything I felt I wasn't. My parents did their best to be loving and supportive, my home was a haven that I escaped to after school. But when you are told over and over again from all of the peers in your class that you are ugly and diseased, when your play area has a 10 foot radius of loneliness and your table is empty at lunch, you believe that and not the obligatory parental comments of love.

Next came video games! As computer and console technology advanced, video games became more pretty and more complicated. I was hooked, any chance I got I was playing on a SNES, Sega Genesis, or our home computer. I even had a job as a beta tester in Novato, Ca for a while (my favorite job, so far). After moving out I would save up any of my remaining money, after rent and bills, to either buy a book, a video game or any gaming paraphernalia that would strike my fancy.

Escape

Escape

 

I grew up, moved out, and after several years met the love of my life and got married. He shares all of my interests in hobbies (except for reading, no one is perfect) and many a happy hour was spent in fantasy and shared fantasy worlds. We each had jobs, but that was just how we paid for our hobbies. Then this guy happened.

Cutest baby picture, ever!

Well, he didn't just happen, we did plan for him, but we didn't really know just how much he would change our whole world outlook. I had quit my job to raise my son so suddenly most of our extra money went to his needs like clothes, diapers, and later food when he was ready for it. After he was born I didn't have time for my games and books and fantasy worlds. I was stuck firmly in the present, real world and looking around I realized that my status quo wasn't going to cut it. After he was in school I would need to return to the workforce but in a job that was much better paying then the ones I was settling with before. Also, I felt stagnated and I yearned to stretch myself and my mind again.

Luckily I live in a town with a great junior college, and with the grants and scholarships available the tuition is affordable. I signed up and picked out a few classes and much to my surprise I found that I love it. This was much different then my public school experience and I can't wait for the next project or the next assignment. Right now I am on a Business Administration major, but I might change that to English. However it goes, I know that I am on my personal path to success and that it is up to me to make it happen. I have to be an example for my son now, and I want to grow and learn. I hope that yearning never stops.

Nature and a Haiku

 

 A sleeping sovereign                           

Falling far, fallen fast, free

Like a giant's toy, tossed 

A path, pockmarked, pitted

As marked as my life's tale

Is my future dead?

ATTENTION FIVES! HERE ARE YOUR NEW WORDS FOR THE WEEK

Pay no attention to the bars that surround you.

 

Here are the five words that I think sum up the first half of the, "The Giver" by Lois Lowry

Committee:

 We are the wise Elders of our community. We make sure that you stay safe and secure in the sameness of us all. Everything is shared, nothing is to be hidden. Your laws will always be the same and your customs will never change. All you need to do is the work the jobs we assign you and take care of the children we give to you. Do not ask what your community can do for you, but what you can do for your community. So say we all.

Control:

For your comfort and convenience everything is the same everyday. The weather will never change, your food will always taste the same and your clothes will always be what everyone else wears. We hope you will enjoy the bicycles that everyone age Nine and above will be provided. This way no one will have anything better than anyone else. All we ask is that you tell us everything that goes on in your life. Here are the rules for the conversations in your home. Here are the jobs you will be assigned. Here are the pills you will take to prevent the Stirrings from arising. Here are the hours you will spend in school. Here are the hours you will spend volunteering in your community. Here are the times meals will be served. Here are the ....

Muted:

In order for everyone in our community to be comfortable there will be no bright colors.  We don't want anyone to be surprised and made to feel awkward, so passionate emotions are not allowed. Please respect everyone's feelings and do not point out any differences you might see or hear. Do not get attached to anyone unless you have permission from all parties concerned. Please remember that as you grow older it will be your responsibility to help your younger community members to adhere to the rules. So say we all.

Illusion:

In order for everyone in the community to feel welcome and to fit in,  we offer the following choices: 1) When you reach the age of 8 we will allow you the free time to volunteer in any of the community facilities of your choosing.

2) When you reach the age of 12 and you feel the job chosen for you is not the right one, you may appeal to the committee of Elders, and after careful deliberation, another will be assigned to you. This may take some time, so please be patient.

3) If you feel that a law needs to be changed in any particular, you may appeal to the committee of Elders, and after careful deliberation, we will render our unbiased ruling. This may take some time, so please be patient.

4) If you feel that the community that you are born to is not the right one for you, you may apply for release to another community.

So say we all.

Release:

To be fair to all, any infraction of our laws, any repeated offense to our customs, will result in the person(s) to be released. Anyone over a certain age will be scheduled, after a suitable release party, to be released. Anyone requesting a transfer to another community will be released. Anyone requesting release, will be released. After a suitable time period, the names of the released will be re-used in our community so that there will always be the same names to bring comfort and continuity. So say we all.